I'll be happy when.....

"I'll be happy if... I'll be happy when..."

I don't think I have ever really muttered these words out loud but upon reflection I am sure they have passed  my subconscious from time to time.  Perhaps it's genetic, perhaps it's environmental - who knows.  I didn't really identify it in myself until a conversation with a relative.  That's when those words were realized and caught my attention, "If ____ could just happen, then I would be happy.  When _____ changes, then I'll be happy."  Conditional happiness. 

I think we have all done this to ourselves.  We have all thought, "I will be happy when we have more money.  I will be happy when the kids are potty trained.  I will be happy when I lose those extra 10 lbs.  I will be happy when we move into a bigger house.  etc."

In reality what we are saying to ourselves is this, "I am sad, and I will stay sad until something happens to change that."  My husband sings a little song to our kids that has been ringing in my head. 

Happiness runs in a circular motion,

Kind of like a little boat upon the sea,

You can be a part of anything anywhere,

You can be happy if you let yourself be.

You can be happy if you let yourself be.  Now think about that - it's really powerful!  If you LET yourself be.  Why aren't we letting ourselves be happy.  What are we afraid of if we were happy in whatever circumstance we were in.  I am not saying that you shouldn't strive to better yourself or your world.  Not at all! What I am saying is, let yourself be happy now, and "when (something) happens." 

What I am trying to do and what I am calling for all of us to do is be happy now, even though the kids aren't potty trained, even though we want more money, even though the house isn't right.  Why?  - because look at the alternative.  Do you want to stay in sadness until happiness comes with some event and then leaves?  Or, do you want to be happy until sadness comes with some event and then leaves.  Ahhhh, there it is!  Sadness is a part of us.  It is part of who we are and brings with it immeasurable lessons.  But it must have an ending.

I remember when my Mom died I experienced a sadness I didn't know was possible.  My best friend knew what had happened and showed up on my doorstep with a 10 gallon bucket of ice-cream (no exaggeration) and taught me an invaluable lesson.  She told me to eat as much ice-cream as I needed, cry, scream, be alone, whatever I needed, for as long as I really needed to, and then to let it go.  Not my mom, not her memory, not the yearning to see and be with her, but the sadness.  Let the sadness go.  Sometimes it is appropriate, even necessary to feel down.  She calls it a "mental health day."  Own it, experience it, and then let it go.  If it absolutely won't leave then by all means, seek help.  But don't keep it with you willingly. 

So what I am saying is this.  Let's change those thoughts from, "I'll be happy when ____ happens" to "I'll be happy now.  If _____ happens, then all the better."

I love you all and in no way would tell you what is right for you.  Just a wish for your happiness and maybe something to think about. 

Love,

me