Why do we need each other????

I got a call from a close friend about a month ago and she was in tears.  She explained that she was lonely.  She said that she lives in an area where there really aren't many women her age to associate with.  It is a military base area where people move in and out frequently and she was struggling.  She said, "I need some kindred spirits!"  She had had a conversation with another woman who told her she shouldn't have these feelings - that her husband was all the friend that she should need.  This only intensified my friends sadness and guilt because now, not only was she lonely, she felt like a bad wife.
 
This conversation has been tickling my consciousness for a while now.  Do I really need other women in my life or can my husband fill all of those rolls?  Is that even fair to expect of him?  My answer is:  I don't know.  I don't know that there is a right or wrong to those questions.  I have a fantastic husband whom I confide in and trust with everything that I am.  He fills the pieces of our little world that I cannot.  He is my prince charming and goof ball friend all rolled into one.  I love hanging out with him any chance I get.  But there is something about 'girls night' or 'park day' that I look forward to every time it comes. 

I went to the park today with a bunch of ladies from church.  Some of whom I know well and others I don't really know at all.  I tried to talk with everyone I could.  The conversations ranged from episiotomes to cellulite, really good pizza to eczema.  We didn't talk about personal things, we didn't talk about relationships or gossip about whose doing what (which made me very happy because that really makes me uncomfortable), we just laughed with each other.  We had brownies while our kids played.  We compared nail polish and favorite restaurants.  We could relate to each other about stretch marks and nausea, labor and karate class. 

I wouldn't say these women are necessarily "kindred spirits" in the Anne sense.  I don't have much time between soccer and groceries, homework and bedtime to cultivate many intense friendships but, I must say, I felt better after spending time with these amazing, unique, beautiful, understanding, intelligent women.  I felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  Like maybe now I don't have to carry around all of the crazy, weird, funny thoughts in my head because I got some of them out. 

I still love hanging out with my husband and he is the only person that I share my innermost thoughts with but, perhaps tonight he won't have to hear about my cellulite thighs or which color nail polish I am contemplating.  Maybe there's a context for certain things.  Maybe there's room for both.  Maybe both are necessary.  Maybe both are vital.  Maybe time spent with people of our same gender makes us appreciate and be all the more present in time spent with our spouse. 

So next time you're at the park, or in church, or whenever you get the chance - strike up a conversation.  Ask the lady next to you how she's doing, ask her how old her kids are, ask her what her favorite food is, share the goodies you brought.  You just might find that you feel a little better, a little more in-tune with something, that spending time with one of your sisters makes you a better wife.  Maybe you will find that "kindred spirit" or maybe you will find someone who just laughs at the same time you do - it really doesn't matter either way.  There is something healing about being around other women - the kind of women who uplift you, make you laugh, speak kindly of their husbands, help you with your kids, wipe a nose even if it's not related to them.  There's something indescribable about it that we need.  So, hooray for splash park day and girls night out and talking on the phone.  Husbands - we need time with other women, we are better wives for it, it's time invested not spent.  Women - get out there and talk to someone, if they make you unhappy - move on, but I am sure you will be surprised at how many women out there would love to chat with you and you will both be better for it.

Love,
Me.